


Clara’s Chocolate Surprise

by bellarose_x



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: Cursed, Dark Comedy, Easter, F/M, Satire, anarchist!clara, egg!doctor, food fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:26:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23670775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellarose_x/pseuds/bellarose_x
Summary: Clara’s favourite time of year has arrived at last, and The Doctor has a special treat in store for his friend. It seems as if Clara’s dreams have come true when she discovers a perfect Easter egg, but a dark secret is hidden within as this cursed tale takes on a horrifying twist.
Relationships: Twelfth Doctor & Clara Oswin Oswald, Twelfth Doctor/Clara Oswin Oswald
Kudos: 1





	Clara’s Chocolate Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing a cursed fic, so I hope you enjoy it!

Easter. Clara’s favourite time of year. The lambs in the field, chicks hatching in their coops, the sun burning brighter and the grass growing greener; all of this made Clara the happiest woman on Earth. Forget the universe – yes, the planets she had seen were wonderful – but nothing compared to her home. The pure simplicity of life being created and nurtured right here in front of her.

But it wasn’t just the season that delighted her, even the mere thought of Easter Day made her tremble with excitement. The taste of that creamy chocolate and the thrill of Easter egg hunts. Who cares if she’s 29 years of age? Clara loved Easter as much as any little boy or girl.

This doesn’t mean to say, however, that she neglected the religious element of the holiday: despite her anarchist upbringing, Clara strived always to be respectful of others’ views, and thus she endeavoured to study the story of Easter meticulously so that she could learn more about this holiday she loved so much. Although the story of Jesus’ rebirth fascinated her, Clara could not help but be skeptical of the logistics and veracity behind it and, as a result, she decided to wait for some sort of miracle to shed light over the truth. Until that happened, she would think no more about the genuineness of the story’s origins, and instead would project her energy into the production of intricate chocolate designs and fabulous Easter egg hunts.

The Doctor knew how much his friend loved Easter, and for that reason he decided to give her a treat. On the eve of Holy Saturday, when Clara was tucked up in bed after another long day of trying to distinguish Zygons from humans, the Doctor crept into the console room and prepared to do something he had never done before...

He had been working on this contraption for quite some time, and here it was, finally finished, just in time to give Clara her Easter surprise. The Doctor tucked in his arms and legs so that he resembled a shape not unlike that of an egg. He then closed his eyes and gave the sonic screwdriver a quick buzz. His contraption clicked and whirred, sending out an impulse that was about to change the Doctor’s life forever. The sound of bones cracking and skin tearing filled the TARDIS, and it was all the Doctor could do not scream out in agony. But it was worth it. The thought of Clara’s happiness when she would see what he had done remedied the pain. The process took a while: it was new and untested, and he wasn’t even sure if it would work. It lasted all night. Once or twice the Doctor cried out like an animal – thank God he gave Clara those sleep patches – but at long long last, the conversion was complete. The Doctor was now a chocolate egg.

Smooth and velvety, the Doctor was a truly perfect egg. No flaws or impurities masked the brilliance of his design; it was as if he had been made by the hands of some kind of Chocolate God. The Doctor couldn’t wait to see Clara’s reaction when she came to see him. Well, not see (he was an egg after all), but he could feel her presence and hear her gentle voice.

Easter morning. Clara came running down from her bedroom, excited to share her favourite day of the year with her best friend.

“Doctor!” she cried, sliding down the staircase, “It’s Easter!”

But as soon as she entered the console room she was stopped dead in her tracks. There, sitting on the control panel, was the most beautiful Easter egg she had ever seen. Covered in delicate chocolate swirls and an unblemished glossy shell, this egg was exquisite, _a masterclass in fine artistry_ Clara thought to herself. Her mouth watered just looking at it.

As she neared the egg, Clara heard a familiar voice whisper, “Eat me,” yet she wasn’t sure if she’d imagined it. “I know you want to!” Startled, Clara took a step back.

“Did that chocolate just speak Scottish?!” she cried aloud, and she carefully rolled it on its side to reveal a pair of thick dark eyebrows, furrowed into a frown.

“Doctor!” Clara exclaimed; it pained her to admit that she was slightly turned on at the thought of the Doctor being an Easter egg.

“Eat me, Clara,” the Doctor enticed, “I made myself into this form just for you, I want to please you, Clara.”

Clara obeyed. As she broke the delicate chocolate casing, the Doctor moaned in both pleasure and pain, as it was excruciating to be torn apart, yet Clara’s happiness gave him the intense feeling of gratification he so desperately sought.

Clara gingerly took a bite and let the Doctor melt in her mouth, sighing with delight as the creamy chocolatey goodness rolled over her tongue. He was the best thing she had ever tasted. _Delicious and nutritious_ , Clara thought.

Piece by piece, Clara gobbled the Doctor up, relishing every last morsel, until all that was left were a few eyebrow hairs and some delicious crumbs, but she devoured that too. When she was finished, Clara let out a small sob – she couldn’t believe she had eaten her best friend (and not in the way that she usually does)! She was mortified, and felt a little guilty when thinking about how much she had enjoyed it.

Inside her, however, something was happening. The chocolatey gooey mass reassembled to make a full egg in the depths of Clara’s stomach. The Doctor enjoyed pleasing Clara so much that he wanted to do it again, but there was one problem: there was only one way out, and it wasn’t nice. He was unable to pass out the natural way, as it would be impossible for a whole Easter egg to move through her intestines. No, he had to do the unthinkable.

The Doctor began to push and push with all his might against the lining of Clara’s stomach. He knew what would happen, but there was no other way out.

Meanwhile, Clara felt a sharp pain in her chest. “Is everything all right in there, Doctor?” she asked, beginning to get worried.

“Everything is just fine, thank you,” he replied, “just hang on tight!”

He pushed some more and eventually tore her stomach in half, rupturing the stomach wall and bursting through her chest cavity with such force that it knocked her completely out. The sound was nauseating. The cracking of bones and splitting of skin. Clara screamed, desperate for this torture to end, before her lungs were ripped apart and she died of asphyxiation.

The scene was like something from Alien. There Clara lay, spread-eagled on the TARDIS floor with blood spurting from her chest, ribs puncturing her fragile skin and intestines spilling out.

“At last! I am free!” the Doctor shrieked, “I’m sorry Clara, I’m so sorry, but I had to do this, you see. I have laid my baby eggs inside you, and now they shall feast. You were the perfect host: kind, caring and most all, willing. All attributes on which my children love to gorge. I had a willing volunteer for whom I could impregnate, and now you must pay the price.”

At that moment, the Doctor’s offspring lacerated through the cadaver, destroying what was left of Clara’s body and rendering it unrecognisable. The Doctor stepped out of her and into the light of the TARDIS. At last, Clara’s questions regarding whether people really could be reborn had been answered.

Christ has risen.


End file.
